Has anyone (your parents perhaps?) ever told you that the
world doesn’t revolve around you? What your parents are/were probably trying to
convey is that you need to pitch in and help around the house (or just clean up
your room). If a friend has ever said this to you, they may have been trying to
point out that you only do things you want to do (never doing anything anyone
else wants to do) or that you’re not spending enough quality time with them.
Both your parents and your friends, in this case, have valid points.
But let’s take a look at the bigger picture: the world (your
world) literally does revolve around you. You are the captain of your own ship,
the director of your own movie, and the star of your own show. The choices you
make, the way you choose to spend your resources (time, energy, money), and
your attitudes about life drive your story – and only your story. You are the
only person you can control so you need to use that authority to make your
world into the world of your dreams.
Let’s take a look at two example stories that are helping to
define a person’s story. We’ll start with Paula. Paula doesn’t understand why
she and her mother have such a contentious relationship. Paula’s mother is
always on her case about her dirty room and her dirty clothes piling up in the
laundry room. Again, remember that Paula’s world does indeed revolve around her
– the choices she’s making drive her story. Paula chooses to ignore her
mother’s wishes, and thus Paula is creating the contentious relationship
between her and her mother. Paula could just as easily change her entire
scenario - she could choose to respect the requests of her mother (who we’ll
assume owns and maintains the home), keep her room clean, do laundry on a
regular basis, and thereby eliminate any contention between her and her mother.
But it’s up to Paula because she is responsible for her own actions and her own
story.
Then we have Scott. Scott has been studying as little as
possible for his classes and not doing a great job of keeping up with homework.
Scott’s overall grades are teetering towards failing, but he has plenty of people
to blame: he works too much, he is often late to class because he works
overtime, he has little time to study because the free time he does have from
work he’d rather spend relaxing with friends, and, after all, he lives on his
own and has to pay the bills! Our premise is that Scott’s world does indeed
revolve around him – Scott is the author of his own story. Scott’s story is a
little more complicated, so let’s take it a piece at a time.
·
Scott says he works too much and that he has to
pay the bills. We need to understand the facts of his situation: does he need
to work excessive hours to pay his bills? If so, that’s a tough way to live –
Scott may consider moving to a less expensive location or looking for a higher
paying job. But if Scott likes working extra hours because extra money is nice
(I’m not arguing), then he’s making a choice and writing his story accordingly:
in this case, Scott chooses to work extra hours because he likes the extra
money. Again, there’s nothing wrong with this but Scott is choosing it – so it
can’t be an excuse for why he’s not keeping up with his schoolwork.
·
Scott is habitually late to class (or maybe
doesn’t attend). If Scott truly needs the money to pay the bills, then he
should re-evaluate whether this is the right time for him to be in school. It’s
a waste of hard-earned money to pay tuition and then flunk out of classes. If
Scott only likes earning extra money and doesn’t really need it, then again
Scott is making a choice that is defining his story: he values money more than
he values his education.
·
Scott spends the free time he does have relaxing
with friends instead of studying or doing homework. Here we see Scott making
another choice that neglects his education. There’s nothing wrong with spending
free time with friends (in fact, I highly recommend it), however this is just
one in a series of choices that tell us Scott values his education last on his
list of priorities.
In Scott’s case, I think we can agree that education is not
at the top of his priority list. It may be time for him to reevaluate why he’s
going to college and what his long-term goals are. College isn’t for everyone
and if college isn’t for Scott, he’s wasting his time, money, and energy in a
half-hearted pursuit.
We’ve looked at some sample stories, but now let’s shift the
focus back on ourselves as we are the authors of our own stories. It’s
sometimes easier to see the choices we’re making by looking at it in reverse:
find some result (or results) in your life that you either like or don’t like
and then think about what you’re doing to create this result. If you’re not
doing as well in school as you would like (result), what are you doing to
create this result (studying, tutoring)? If you’re feeling overwhelmed
(result), what are you doing to create this result (tracking/managing how you
spend your time, creating your priority list and sticking to it)? If you’re
feeling stressed about an exam (result), what are you doing to create this
result (consistent daily/weekly studying, study groups, completing a study
guide)?
Once you realize your world really does revolve around you
and that you are the captain of your own ship, you are free to make pretty much
anything your reality! Have great relationships, fire your boss, hire a new boss,
and be successful in any area of your life you choose! I can’t wait to see what
story you write for yourself!
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